Blessed and Betrayed

Hello there again my dear blog. Yes, it is I. The one who never writes.

I have been inspired by the Julie vs Julia movie, as I am sure many people out there are. Instead of starting a whole new blog, I have just decided to give more love to the blog I started years ago when I was still living in Hawaii.

The title of my blog may seem a bit contradictory. I feel the opposition inside my gut right now. The blessed part is, obviously, good news. After months of feel stuck, not going up the ladder of success, sitting at a desk for 7.5 hours a day in black painted room in a basement of a hotel everyday, my psyche was beginning to unravel a little. Sure, I love the work I do (which is photography and photo-editing, with some graphic design) and I love the people I work with, but I feel very stuck in boredom land. I can't believe that the summer is gone - I hardly saw the sun at all!
That's about how I have been feeling lately, although God has been SO gracious to me I feel very guilty about complaining about it :) That's how I HAD been feeling...until yesterday. Yesterday I received two emails within 24 hours of two separate weddings I have booked for the month of September! It's amazing what can happen in that 11th hour. Make no mistake, folks - God shows up. As Joyce Meyer has said "He may not be early, but God is always on time." He really has been there for me. This is my blessing.

Now onto the not-so wonderful part. Today I felt betrayed. Today I was betrayed by someone I trusted. By someone who I thought was a mature adult with rational thinking. Today my friend started driving me somewhere, and within about 10 mins I discovered that he was drunk. My FRIEND got behind the wheel of his car, with me and his dog, and began to drive through the Rocky Mountains after doing (from what I can gather) a couple of shots. He told me later that he started drinking at 10am to "wake himself up" and continued to do shots throughout the morning and early afternoon before my arrival at his place at around 1:30. Just before getting in the car at around 2:30 he did a few more shots (while I was outside unawares), got in the car and we took off. I started to notice pretty soon that he was acting really goofy, and he was even slurring his speech....I honestly thought that he was just getting goofy because he was chewing tobacco, which I know gives you a buzz. But it kept getting worse. He kept going the wrong way, even after I reminded him twice. He almost went past our exit, even AFTER he read the sign out loud. I was really confused. He pulled the car over and said I should drive if I'm uncomfortable (which at that point I was).

As we pulled out, I mentioned how I was a little weirded out by his behavior - he was acting really strange. He then proceeded to tell me it was probably because of the alcohol he had had. At first I thought he was kidding, but when I realized he wasn't I was livid. I basically told him that I was disgusted, appalled, and utterly disappointed in him. He then proceeded to say to me, "You know, guys don't like it when girls tell them that they have to change."

Yeah, well, girls don't like it when boys are alcoholics and put other people's lives at risk because of their stupidity.

I am still irate over this situation. I'm writing this blog to help me sort it all out. Am I expecting too much from people? What I truly don't understand is how people can not want to become the best possible version of themselves - how they can settle for crap? Why are people so willing to settle for a second-rate version of themselves??? I don't think that any of us will EVER achieve perfection, but shouldn't we at least desire improvement? Am I the only one out here who wants to constantly fine-tune myself to constantly improve and just become a good person? Help! If there is anyone else out there who can appreciate the desire for improvement, please write to me. I feel like I am the only one.

Why did he try to make ME feel like the bad guy? What a terrible friend I am - I pointed out that my friend did something unforgivably irresponsible.

I need help, advice, or....something. I'm about ready to toss aside yet another friend, and I don't know if I'd be going too far. Help!