Differences

Can two people in love survive with so many differences?

What causes us to be in love with someone? Is it physical? Is it similarities? Is it a feeling of belonging...and if that IS it, what causes us to feel that way?

I am in a serious relationship that worries me. I love him. He loves me. He feels like comfort and support to me. But every time I start to feel secure, another one of our differences comes up in a stupid argument over something stupid. We can't even spend a half an hour of good quality alone time without a stupid argument over a difference that we can't agree on.

Here's an example: We had an argument (and by this I mean a strong discussion) over the existence of Big Foot. I do not believe in Big Foot. His claim is that he believes in the "idea" of Big Foot. I guess I'm insensitive, but I cracked a smile as he told me that it's possible for Big Foot to exist. He said something about science being "stupid" and always thinking it was right, and he wants to believe in the "magical" side of life. He even claimed the day he stops believing in the magical side of life will be "the day he dies." The idea that someone would talk about his belief in Big Foot and the day he dies in the same sentence seems ridiculously over dramatic for something as "stupid" (in my opinion) as Big Foot. Apparently, it is a serious thing for him.

I myself being a scientist do not believe in Big Foot....and because of this he sees me as the enemy. According to him, my purpose in life is to discredit his beliefs. All science is for, in his eyes, is to act proud about the grasp that it has on the world. To claim to have understandings in everything when truly, we don't have a clue. I am the enemy.

The truth is I don't feel like the enemy. In fact, as a scientist, I feel that my purpose is to show how truly little we know about the universe around us. We think we have thousands of theories to explain everything from genetics to solar wind. The truth is we are but ants trying to understand how a jet engine works. We don't have the mental capacity to understand it all!! This, to me, is a very important thought because I believe that thoughts like this will keep us from doing stupid things....like invent nuclear weapons. Obviously, I was not around in time to stop that, but I hope to be around for another equivalent discovery.

My point is, just because I'm a scientist it doesn't mean that I am the enemy! But he doesn't see that. Because I am a scientist AND I don't believe in Big Foot I am the enemy.

Why is he so afraid of science anyway? Why can't he have an open mind about it? But then again, why can't I have an open mind about Big Foot? The truth is, I can't. I truly don't believe that Big Foot exists. He truly doesn't believe in science. So where does that leave us??!!

How can this relationship carry on with our numerous stubborn differences? Neither of us is willing to change our beliefs for the other. How can a love continue with goodness when all this bitterness is building up? It worries me. It worries me a lot because I truly feel like he is the best thing that has and ever will happen to me...But can that last forever? Maybe the rose colored glasses are off. Maybe the honeymoon phase is over and we're realizing that we aren't as "forever" as we thought.

Maybe we need to compromise a little. Maybe we need to admit that perhaps neither of us really knows anything, and that our beliefs may not be any better than simple good ideas.
You can always change an idea, but people will die or kill for a belief. I wonder if that is the fate for us.

Gloomy Day

It is gloomy today.
Outside the dark clouds block the sun.
Inside the dark clouds block my joy.
My fate I have placed in the hands of God
But my faith I have placed in a man
As I wait for him to come home from work.
Will he ever be home at the right moment
Or will I be forever waiting?
Can he cure the darkness which clouds my pure thoughts?
Is he to drown with me?

Today is a gloomy day
But I should remember to be happy
On days filled with sunshine.
If I could only remember that,
Then today would be a wonderful day
To do laundry.

My Pride

My pride gets in the way of so much happiness As I am sitting at the table playing cards with a group of people, whose company I normally enjoy, I have a twisted look on my face as I realize I am losing by nothing other than shear dumb luck. Why can't I realize that it is not personal just because I keep getting bad cards? Why can't I laugh and enjoy the time with my friends?

The answer is: My stupid pride.

What good is pride? Does it actually have some purpose in our lives? When a father says "Son, I'm proud of you," is he saying "I'm glad you make me look good," or "I'm happy for you,"? In everyday life pride appears to be nothing but selfishness. It is something that rots the soul.

I don't see a good use for pride EXCEPT for moments of survival. In times of absolute stress, pride can keep you from letting go. It can keep you holding on to your values and integrity. I am not just referring to times of war, but also the kind that happens everyday when you feel verbally attacked or taken advantage of. When someone says something racial or abusive, pride can spark the flame of defense and offense to save your reputation or even feelings.

I have been to SERE school. For those two of you who actually read my blog AND have seen the terrible movie GI Jane, you know what SERE is. But let me tell you....it is NOTHING like the movie, but it at least you have an idea. Basically it's training on how to survive if you ever become a POW. Without saying too much, I can tell you when you're cold, tired, hungry, and bruised, the only thing keeping you sane is your pride. Pride in your fellow sailors. Pride in your religious beliefs. Pride in your country. Pride in your integrity. I remember as I was sitting there in the bottomless pit of self-pity, another "POW" started humming the National Anthem. That was the most beautiful pride filled moment I have ever experienced, as tears of pride and love streamed down my mud covered face. Even though I know what I went through was no where near what actual POWs have experienced, it really was the worst experience of my life and my pride and love for my country is what got me through it.

So pride does have it's place, I guess.

But how can something so useful, and arguably required for survival, be so detrimental in stupid insignificant moments? All it does is rob us of joy. How can in one moment it bring tears of love and in another it make me cranky and stubborn? What is the purpose? Where is the line to be drawn? Why can't I let it go over a stupid game of cards and why must I hold onto it with all of my strength when I need it to survive?

Does God want us to have pride, or to put it all down?