Where to now?

So much has happened since my last blog, not that it really matter because I don't think that an actual soul, other than myself, has actually read any of them. So then, for myself, I will make a list of things that have changed in my life since my last blog:
1. I separated from the Navy (read: lost my job)
2. I moved from Hawaii to Upstate New York (read: moved back in with my parents)
3. I started working at a Flower Shop
4. Broke up with my boyfriend
5. Decided to move to Denver, or Santa Barbara

That's where I am. I have a hard time with it some days, while others I'm completely optimistic about it all. Yeah, being 27 and living at home isn't exactly where I pictured myself at this time in life, but perhaps God put me here to give me time to workout all the "stuff" in my head.
And boy, is there a lot of it.
I've been working really hard at getting closer to God. I've been really good about reading my bible everyday (trying to walk through the bible in a year), I've gotten really into watching or listening to Joyce Meyer sermons, and I even joined not 1 but 2 different fellowship groups throughout the week. I'm basically infusing my life with God, and I can't think of a better anecdote to all the poison that was flowing through my veins.
But still, every now and then I feel deeply sorry for myself and it takes a lot of effort to pick me up again. One of the biggest problems is Paki. Yes, he and I are no longer, but when it first happened it felt very temporary. It was as if I needed a break, or time, to focus inward and into my soul and search for healing. Now, it doesn't feel like that anymore. It feels like God has told me to let him go. Truth be told, I almost feel a sense of relief at the thought....There were a lot of struggles between us. But I still love him. My heart still hurts for him. I miss him terribly.
I wonder what that means overall. Sometimes I think that I missed out on the best thing that will ever happen to me by breaking up with him. Other times I think he's the best thing that HAS ever happened, but God has something even grander in mind for me.
So, I've been praying a lot about myself...I wish I had more to pray for for other people. I know I do, but I've been looking inward a lot. The one conclusion that I know for sure out of all this confusion and unknown is this: I want to do God's Will.
Not MY will. Not MY wants. Not MY needs. But God's. I have given my life to God. Sometimes I forget that, and like a little brat I get upset when things don't go my way. At least I am light years from where I was even a year ago!! Most of the time, I feel released from any kind of weight that might be pulling me down. I just want God to take my life and use it for His will.
God is so awesome! I want to praise Him forever and ever, and because of His love I know I can do that.
Isn't that a wonderful thought?
If only I could remember that ever moment of everyday, then I just might be happy, even with my circumstances being as they are (alone, without a job).
Baby steps. I have to crawl, before I can run. I am on my way, God. I am on my way.