Blessed and Betrayed
Hello there again my dear blog. Yes, it is I. The one who never writes.
I have been inspired by the Julie vs Julia movie, as I am sure many people out there are. Instead of starting a whole new blog, I have just decided to give more love to the blog I started years ago when I was still living in Hawaii.
The title of my blog may seem a bit contradictory. I feel the opposition inside my gut right now. The blessed part is, obviously, good news. After months of feel stuck, not going up the ladder of success, sitting at a desk for 7.5 hours a day in black painted room in a basement of a hotel everyday, my psyche was beginning to unravel a little. Sure, I love the work I do (which is photography and photo-editing, with some graphic design) and I love the people I work with, but I feel very stuck in boredom land. I can't believe that the summer is gone - I hardly saw the sun at all!
That's about how I have been feeling lately, although God has been SO gracious to me I feel very guilty about complaining about it :) That's how I HAD been feeling...until yesterday. Yesterday I received two emails within 24 hours of two separate weddings I have booked for the month of September! It's amazing what can happen in that 11th hour. Make no mistake, folks - God shows up. As Joyce Meyer has said "He may not be early, but God is always on time." He really has been there for me. This is my blessing.
Now onto the not-so wonderful part. Today I felt betrayed. Today I was betrayed by someone I trusted. By someone who I thought was a mature adult with rational thinking. Today my friend started driving me somewhere, and within about 10 mins I discovered that he was drunk. My FRIEND got behind the wheel of his car, with me and his dog, and began to drive through the Rocky Mountains after doing (from what I can gather) a couple of shots. He told me later that he started drinking at 10am to "wake himself up" and continued to do shots throughout the morning and early afternoon before my arrival at his place at around 1:30. Just before getting in the car at around 2:30 he did a few more shots (while I was outside unawares), got in the car and we took off. I started to notice pretty soon that he was acting really goofy, and he was even slurring his speech....I honestly thought that he was just getting goofy because he was chewing tobacco, which I know gives you a buzz. But it kept getting worse. He kept going the wrong way, even after I reminded him twice. He almost went past our exit, even AFTER he read the sign out loud. I was really confused. He pulled the car over and said I should drive if I'm uncomfortable (which at that point I was).
As we pulled out, I mentioned how I was a little weirded out by his behavior - he was acting really strange. He then proceeded to tell me it was probably because of the alcohol he had had. At first I thought he was kidding, but when I realized he wasn't I was livid. I basically told him that I was disgusted, appalled, and utterly disappointed in him. He then proceeded to say to me, "You know, guys don't like it when girls tell them that they have to change."
Yeah, well, girls don't like it when boys are alcoholics and put other people's lives at risk because of their stupidity.
I am still irate over this situation. I'm writing this blog to help me sort it all out. Am I expecting too much from people? What I truly don't understand is how people can not want to become the best possible version of themselves - how they can settle for crap? Why are people so willing to settle for a second-rate version of themselves??? I don't think that any of us will EVER achieve perfection, but shouldn't we at least desire improvement? Am I the only one out here who wants to constantly fine-tune myself to constantly improve and just become a good person? Help! If there is anyone else out there who can appreciate the desire for improvement, please write to me. I feel like I am the only one.
Why did he try to make ME feel like the bad guy? What a terrible friend I am - I pointed out that my friend did something unforgivably irresponsible.
I need help, advice, or....something. I'm about ready to toss aside yet another friend, and I don't know if I'd be going too far. Help!
posted by Hardwoman @ 9:47 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
When the circumstances and conditions of a friendship are altered to the point that the purpose of friendship is inhibited then, by God, our selfless duty is to extend ourselves primarily in a caring role rather than a sharing role.
It would be fundamentally detrimental to your friendship with this man, and to your relationship with God, if you enabled (as through acceptance by compromise, in this case) error. You must make the shift from an ally to a benefactor, as you lead your friend away from his selfishness and to the only thing that can save him: Christ. Until he comes to a knowledge of the Lord, and submits his will to Him, then he will only slide further into ruin, and you facilitating it will only accelerate the continuation.
Three truths: only the fool disregards a righteous rebuke, or encouragement to change his ways; you are not expecting too much of people, they are just not in the right state of heart and mind to meet your expectation, to which, again, you must accommodate as a benefactor rather than an ally, lest both fall, one further than the other; the pursuit of perfection (that is, the adherence to the way, and submission to the will, of our Father in Heaven), though unattainable in the flesh, is our primary purpose in life (the purpose for which we were created).
Stand strong and fast for our Father, my sister. Do not forget that He is with you, guiding you according to His will - keep that in the forefront of your mind, even. Do not despair, for He has given you a small hint of what He can do in the 11th hour, yet what you have been given is the least of what you will yet receive if you will keep these words.
God be with you, and you with Him.
Thanks Charles. He "knows" Christ, or at least he thinks he does. I have no doubt in my mind that my friend has had VERY deep personal times with the Lord throughout his life, and he will be going to heaven - he's in a spot now where he is completely blind to the truth about himself. I can see the distance between him and Jesus, but even as I've pointed it out to him, I get nothing but defensiveness. I kind of feel like walking away from him would give him a chance to see how much he is missing God, but I don't want to jump to conclusions either.
For right now, all I can do is pray for him.
Thank you for your comment.
This is such an old post, but I've just stumbled upon it and feel like adding something.
There are loads of people out there who work to improve themselves and strive to become better people, but there are also loads who don't. I think a lot of the latter don't even realize they are capable of improvement. The only limitation to what we can accomplish is our imagination. Unfortunately, this limitation is enough to hold a majority of the world's population back from their true potential.
As for your friend trying to make you feel guilty, you should read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It's a great book and a quick read. In it, Ruiz explains that everything people do and say is due to how they feel and think about themselves. It has nothing to do with you. Even they tell you that they hate you, it's because of the way they feel about themselves and has absolutely nothing to do with you. It takes a while to get used to this concept, but the more you allow yourself to be aware of it, the more you can see how true it really is.
Anyway, just another 2 cents from some random person who found your blog.
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