Holding my hands

Holding hands is very special to me. I've only ever held hands with people that I deeply loved. It always confused me when people who were on a first date having just met could hold hands. I really have to know the person.

Anyways, it's been a while. My heart is still aching constantly for Paki. I guess it's just something I will have to get used to.

I've been hurting so badly the last week. I've been crying every day dozens of times. I am definitely in some sort of funk. I was struggling so badly to get out. I can't even describe the pain to you. So deep, and so dark, and from a place I don't understand.

Sunday was my saving grace. In church we were praying, and I was attempting to not cry uncontrollably while I was just laying everything before God.

Then I saw Him. Jesus. He held my hands, looked into my eyes, and smiled. Jesus held my hands, and it means so much to me. He reminded me how much He really IS with me, and how much He truly knows and understands me.

You know that song I mentioned a few blogs ago about "Moving on,". Later in the song it also says "Your hands are mine to hold. Speak to me." I feel like that's what Jesus was telling me yesterday. My hands are His to hold, and all He wants is for me to trust in Him in everything.

Little by little. Day by day. Baby steps, I'm on my way.